nomnomnom
I like riding my bike. It makes me feel like everything I want to be, an independent young woman, free of any societal obligations. That freedom, to go at my own pace, to stop whenever I like, to venture off freely into whatever life has in store for me. But I guess that’s the dream, and dreams always stay as dreams.
I have fears, about the past, and the repercussions of the mistakes I’ve made and also the things I’ve said. I have fears, about the present,and if I’m doing it right, if i’m making any mistakes, if everything will ultimately be, like I always say it, okay. Then there’s the future, what I do today makes tomorrow, yet you never know what tomorrow brings.
It’s 4am, and just sitting here about the things I’ve been doing of late. I mean, it sounds intensely hypocritical, but I’ve always detested ignorance, like it was avoidable, butI have this feeling that lately I’ve been rather ignorant to my surroundings, stuck in a scenario 2 months behind time, stuck in that shattered glass door I walked straight into. Yet there’s still my ego, unwilling to set me free. There’s always been this question that really bugs me, “would it kill to show that I care?”. Cowardice, overwhelming me again.
It’s not like this random splatter of words is going to ease that ubiquitous confusion in my pea sized brain, but in hopes of a better understanding of today, tomorrow, here goes!
Stupid, I’m not afraid to loose you to another. I’m afraid of loosing you to the virulent forces of nature.
Decisions are the hardest to make. Common sense tells to to build a life of my own, one away from endless disappointment and frustration, yet one I continue to feed with my obsession with being politically correct. In the end I find myself hopelessly stuck in a situation where I am trapped by my own emotions and your decisions.
Maybe its time I started making my own.
